Letters in my head...

So, I've told you in the past that I sometimes send voicemails / texts in my head; I also compose letters! (I know -- multitalented!) I thought I could share some of them with you from the past couple of days: Enjoy the craziness!

Dear Lady at Kroger in her workout clothes with her 4(?) year old child curled up in the small seat,

Yes. It is New Year's Eve. The grocery store is busy. Get over it. Stop complaining to the food, cans, etc. that you should have come last night. You apparently made a sad choice and also forgot to watch the weather this morning since you are wearing your workout shorts and UGG knock-offs. I'm sorry that we keep meeting in every aisle, and it's not my fault that you can't manage your time.

Thanks!

Emily (the lady driving the giant yellow car cart with a small cart being pushed behind her with two very well behaved children.

Dear Man at Kroger in a hooded sweatshirt with the hood UP,

Sir, the wearing of the hood up inside is not good. You look the uni-bomber. The dark circles around your eyes aren't helping you out at all. Please remove your hood.

Thank you,

Emily (the lady who doesn't look like the uni-bomber)

Dear PBSKids,

I LOVE you. No, really. I LOVE YOU! Thank you for educational, entertaining shows with no commericals so my children can watch a smidgent of TV without me.

Forever yours,

Emily (the grateful mom)

Dear Bebe,

I love you and all of your artistic abilities. However, if you could NOT leave the large pair of scissors where your brother can get them, please do so - that would be awesome. Also, I love all of your art work - just not scattered across the living room floor.

Love,

Mom (the evil vacuum lady)

Dear Mamu,

I love you. Please don't pick up the large pair of scissors your sister left on the floor in the living room and run. Especially, please don't run around the living room with the scissors yelling "Cut! Cut! Cut!"

Love,

Mom (the scissor remover)

Dear Jason,

Thank you so much for putting up with my version of crazy. You don't care if I bust out into song, run to Target at 8 pm on a Wednesday evening, or do yoga moves in the middle of the living room with my mother and sister on New Year's Eve (without any sort of adult beverages involved). Thanks for putting up with my crazy phobias (like not putting away the FSA bought items until today in case we would have to return them if we went to the hospital before midnight Dec. 31) and my crazy ideas (that whole rearrange the craft closet at 9:30 pm thing). You are truly a trooper, especially when I "rawr" at you in an attempt to be a cougar (which I will apparently never become). Thanks for putting up with my crazy voicemails and texts on dance nights (when I for sure have decided that you forgot to pick up Mamu). I love you and love that you embrace the craziness.

Love,

Your ever so slightly off her rocker wife

Dear self,

It is NOT a good idea to go to Kroger on any sort of "Eve" -- Christmas, New Year's, Groundhog's, Valentine's, or Labor. Especially twice. You will run into crazy workout lady who mutters about her lack of time management and the uni-bomber's older, slightly more saner cousin.

Love,

You

Dear Twisted Sister & Uncle Mark,

Thanks for the Christmas album! I love it!

Love,

Emily (the lover of odd Christmas songs)